Home exchange etiquette is the unwritten layer that decides whether a swap ends with a warm review and a standing invitation, or with a polite silence. None of it appears in any contract, and all of it is noticed. These are the ten conventions experienced swappers follow without thinking.
Before the agreement
Reply, even to say no. Leaving a personalised request unanswered is the most common breach of home exchange etiquette. Two lines declining costs nothing and the community is smaller than it looks.
Do not hold several agreements open at once. Negotiating seriously with three families and then choosing one at the last moment leaves two summers unplanned. Shortlist freely, but commit to one conversation at a time once it turns concrete.
Say what is wrong with your home. The noisy street, the missing lift, the shower that takes a while. Disclosed in advance it is a detail; discovered on arrival it is a grievance.
During the preparation
Answer questions fully. If they ask about the cot, send a photograph of the cot. Vague answers read as evasion even when they are only haste.
Confirm the practical details in writing. Arrival time, key collection, parking. A phone call is friendly but a written summary is what people actually rely on at eleven at night in an unfamiliar city.
Do not shrink what you offered. If the listing promised the bikes and you have decided to keep them locked away, say so before they arrive rather than leaving them to find out.
During the stay
Message on arrival day, then step back. One short message confirming everything is fine. Then leave them alone. Daily check ins read as supervision.
Report your own breakages immediately. The glass you broke, the blind that came off in your hand. Reporting it yourself costs nothing and buys enormous goodwill. Concealing it and hoping is the fastest way to a bad review.
Ask before rearranging. Moving furniture, unplugging the router, reorganising the kitchen. It is their home, and things are usually where they are for a reason.
On departure
Leave it as you found it, then a little better. Beds stripped, dishwasher emptied, bins out, fridge cleared of what you opened. The unwritten standard is that the other family should not be able to tell exactly what you used.
Leave a note. Three handwritten lines thanking them and mentioning one thing you loved about their neighbourhood. It is the single most reciprocated gesture in the whole system.
The review
Write it within a week, while the detail is fresh, and write it honestly. Inflated reviews degrade the system for everyone, because the public history is the mechanism that makes strangers trustworthy in the first place.
If something genuinely went wrong, raise it privately with the family first. A problem mentioned in a review that was never mentioned to them reads as an ambush, and it usually says more about the reviewer than the host.
What nobody expects but everybody appreciates
- Basic groceries for the first breakfast.
- Telling a neighbour they are coming, so somebody says hello.
- Leaving your own phone number for the whole stay, not only the first day.
- Sending a photograph of their pet, if you are looking after it, without being asked.
- Watering the plants without being reminded.
Frequently asked questions
Is a welcome gift expected in home exchange etiquette? Not expected, and always noticed. A bottle of something local is more than enough.
Should I clean professionally before leaving? No. Thorough domestic cleaning is the standard, unless you agreed otherwise.
What if they left the house in poor condition? Raise it directly and politely first. Most people fix it or apologise immediately.
Do I have to stay in touch afterwards? No obligation at all, though a surprising number of exchanges turn into annual fixtures.
The underlying rule
Every convention above reduces to one idea: behave as you would want the family sleeping in your bed to behave. If you are preparing a first swap, the practical side is in the guide to preparing your home for guests and the written side in the guide to house rules.